Life's Daily Doses

The countdown has started

We are down to the one week stretch and it's another birthday happening for Ms. Ayla, her 11th year to celebrate. I see so many things shifting for this upcoming year. 

 

I have been asking her for the last few days what she "really" wants for her birthday and she always surprises me with the simple answer of "I don't really want anything for my birthday." Gets me everytime because she said the same thing last year. She isn't attached to objects but loves the objects she has. She is organized and orderly. She is a bookworm at best and a studious student. She loves education and loves to learn. She is serious to a fault and puts too much pressure upon herself. She is a rule follower and doesn't understand why people don't follow the rules. She is a comedian and a jokester. She wants to be famous but has stage fright. She is simple and quiet. She is respectful. She has a very over active imagination and has dreams like no other. She is a fan of 1D and Supernatural. She likes Japanese food and stir fries. I often wonder when I see images like this what this child is really thinking. I didn't take this photo -- and I see lots of these self portraits popping up on Instagram, leaving me to wonder. How is 11 like 16 in these days?  

 

I can't believe you are almost 11 and in the the 6th grade. 

Be Happy For This Moment

I am actually happy in this moment despite some issues on the outside. Today I did something that I have wanted to do for awhile now and just never allowed myself to do. I actually PLAYED. I have the toughest time allowing myself the freedom to play with my crafting supplies and create. I always feel as if I NEED to be doing something responsible and productive which doesn't always make me the happiest of people. So today I dove in feet first and held my breath expecting to feel the brisk cold absence of crafting to be frustrating, but it wasn't. It was freeing and relaxing. I simply have been wanting to play with my new InkTense Colored Pencils and as much as I wanted to play I resisted. 

 

So I cranked up my George Michael movie 25Live... and well just painted. These pencils are rather fun.

 

Here is a sample of my finished product.

 

Feels good..  

 

So I will 

Be happy for this moment. This moment is my life!

Resurrection or Rebirthing

It has been almost a year since I last entertained the thought of composing a post. I figured no one would miss the absence and I didn't feel that I had a large enough following to even notice my exit. I was right, no one notice except one person; myself. (Well maybe a few other's and I thank you for coming around)

This platform became flat and uninspiring a while back and I felt that I used it as a pity party. I became sick of myself on here and wanted nothing more than to shoot the person I became. That is why I opted in the idea of not returning. In retrospect this platform was very healing and allowed me to sprew out the negative space I had in my life. The last 5 years have been a challenge. I have dealt with many relationhips in my life fragment and somewhat fall apart. I have had to take on new perceptions of people and with that I had a broken heart. I pretty much felt blown up. My self esteem, basically was shot to hell in a handbasket. But lately I am missing this as an outlet. I have secluded my thoughts and myself from the outside world for long enough,  and I just feel I need to let my fingers dance upon the keyboard once again. I don't know if this platform will be a place of resurrection or rebirth. 

 

But I just have to rejoice in seeing this screen.

The fog has lifted

I missed you my friend.

I have missed you.

Silver Lining

I am always amazed at how fast time seems to move in these days. I can not believe it when I look at the calendar and see just how many days, weeks, and practically a month has passed by. Many events have transpired since I have last posted. Some good and some not so stellar, but happenings in the lives of all that live in my house. I am pretty sure the stretching, growing, and adjusting, will always be forever present in a house of girls. Events that sprinkle a bit of gray can always be brightened with a little silver lining. So let me present to you our silver lining.

Ms. Ajda had the opportunity to go on her 6th grade field trip to The Keys, we are still waiting to drop off her film.

Both girls struggled to finish what they committed to with drama and the end performance was a hit. 

We had a couple of birthday's in the house..  and at others. 

I can't believe I have been in her life for 20 years. OH MY..

Lisa's 50th surprise Birthday was NICE.. I loved being there and seeing her family and how much she is loved by them.

turning 53 ..  hoping for a flaming good year.

Surrounded by girls. Poor guy.

We can't forget the 6th Grade Dance...  

and Mother's Day squeezed in..  

So when the sky's of life feel gray ..  always remember there can be a silver lining.

 

 

First trip .. last to go

Well my caboose has left the station. She has finally reached the age to where she can go "away" on a sleepover field trip with school. I can not believe this time is here. She was super excited this morning and got up at 3:30 am to get ready. (We didn't need to be at school until 5:45) Once we arrived at school she immediately found her group and pretty much left without saying good bye. Nothing needy or dependent about who she has become.  I was fortunate enough to get a bunch of waves from the bus window. I hope she enjoys her time away in St. Augustine.

Where does the time go?

Sometimes there is no question

We spent a lot of time outside this weekend. There is an assurance this weather is not here to stay, the temperature will be rising SOON and the heat will be pretty much unbearable. So, outside it was and there were many sunburned bodies to prove it. 

We enjoyed the cloudless skies and endless mermaid adventures.

Swimming  under the full moon until their little tails almost fell off..

 Ending the weekend with this sunset. 

Sometime there is just no question..  God is pretty amazing.

 

Mind Over Matter and Not Matter over Mind

I have been told recently that...

• I've lost my identity
• I over think things that don't really deserve my energy
• I need to have mind over matter and not matter over mind
• I need to concentrate more on my passions
• I need to reconnect with myself
• I need to leave other peoples energies in the space in which they occupy and to protect my own energy
• I am exhausted by other's 
• I need a let my voice be heard
• I need to stop making excuses and know in my heart that I am a good mother and wife
• I need to leave the ego of others and myself at the door

That it's time for me ..  to take back my power!

 

Last one hitting double digits

Well my baby "caboose"  has entered the phase of  DOUBLE DIGITS. She is the last of my brood that will give me this opportunity to celebrate this right of passage. It feels strange to think that she is already hitting the "tween" years. How is it possible that I have 2 adult children, and 2 tweens? When did the clock strike so quickly?

Happy Birthday Ms. Ayla

Clean Slate

(logo from @CleanSlateTV)

I have this want to start over on just about everything in my life. I,of course, want to start over with ALL the knowledge I have accumulated up until this point in my life. Wouldn't that just be a sweet treat? Who wouldn't want a do over if that were the case. I do know that I would change many things that I obviously can't do anything about. So why you ask am I wasting time in my head wishing I could start over? Well, I just think that if a clean slate were an option it's always good to see where one has made poor choice or mistakes along the way. Yeah, I hear you. Mistakes are what makes us who we are, but I also think mistakes get in the way of who we can become.

If you could do the should of, would of, could of game and had a chance to clean slate your life. What would you change? I have learned so much via the internet on how things can be, and ways to do better. 

So, I am asking for every one out there to entertain the thought. 

Here are a few examples for me.

•  I would have had my kids closer together. ( I am raising two seperate families due to the age gap and it's tough)
•  I would have maintained keeping a smaller living space and just found creative ways to make it a home that accommodated our needs.
•  I would have invested our money when we had it.
•  I would have created a garden and taught my kids the meaning of eating "healthy".
•  I would have been smarter with my finances. I would have eliminated all credit card debt.
•  I would have been more loving and spent more time with myself.
•  I would have taught my daughters that they matter and that loving yourself in healthy means is what it's all about. 
•  I would have gone back to school and stayed there no matter how hard it was/is.
•  I would have started a college fund for all my kids or a savings for them so they could move out    when the time was right. 
• I would have travelled more. 
• I would have played more.
• I would have mediated more and gone to yoga.
• I would have held my older kids more accountable.
• I would have had them work more and save more.
• I would have made my kids do more chores 
• I would have taught them how to do laundry at an early age
• I would have pushed independence a bit more and the importance of relying on oneself.
• I would have made them buy their own car and gas.
• I would have expressed my feelings even when it was uncomfortable
• I would have demanded more of my needs to be met.

 

Just a few things ..  and I know I can still do all that I listed. 

That is where the stretching and uncomfortable feelings come into play. Am I ready?

 

 

 

Protected and Becoming (update)

Nature is a beautiful thing. We watched the caterpillars gorge one minute and turn into this the next, and it was simply amazing. We can not wait to see what emerges.

I sometimes feel my lack of social stimulation is me cocooning myself. I just wish that when I emerge all will be aligned and my insides will match what I want from the outside space I occupy.

Sometimes withdrawing is necessary in order to stretch in directions otherwise ignored.I think it is time to start getting uncomfortable with myself and stretching. Time for some yoga and mediation. I need to excavate the places that have caved in. Time for a rebuilding of myself. I have severed the connection to what really matters to my soul and I need to get real and start honoring what I have been given. A time to rebuild my walls and make them stronger.